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Thursday, 23 January 2020

Why I didn't buy this book 2019

I bumped into ABC's Worst Photo Books of 2013 post a couple of days ago. this is what they said about Mishka Henner's Less Americains (which was one of my books of the year that year - even though it wasn't really a book).

1. Less Américains by Mishka Henner

He trashes Robert Frank, need we say more? Worst photo book of 2013. Let’s hope for Less Henner in 2014.

So Henner is part of ABC, so it's satirical, but at the same time it's not, how dare he, the bastard!I did a post a few years ago on my best books and then why (other) people didn't like them. So this is what was said about these books, it's really a Why I didn't buy this book list.
"Have I got to do it this way. I don't like being told how to read a book." "It's a bit foldy isn't it." "It's like a menu, but it doesn't have any food in it."

"Ha ha ha. That's great. How much is it?" "£20." "It's not very big for £20. I don't like it."

Ivars Gravlejs' Early Works  "It's stupid." "If he wanted to make it really good, he wouldn't have had a picture of a sticker on the cover, he would have had a real sticker on the cover."

I really like the best of year photobook lists, they get me wondering at all these books I haven't seen and give me a general sense of visual illiteracy. But at the same time, I wonder how many are that great and who the audience is (which is what the post is all about really).

The shelf-life of the Best Photobooks lists is so short too and they come out and then kind of end. And nobody ever says a bad word about any of the books - which is good and lovely, but at the same time, as the above comments show, we don't all think quite as alike as we sometimes think we do.

So I wonder what more critical comments on the best photobooks list of 2019 would look like. If anybody would like to contribute succinctly and politely the little niggles you felt, please do and I'll make a list to put up later...

I had these books in my list as best....

This is my own contribution, based on the fact that for the last 10 years I've subscribed to the Iranian Cheetah Newsletter which used to come with loads of camera trap pictures of cheetahs at night. 

The Pillar by Stephen Gill

"OK, so he sticks a post in the ground and the camera trap photographs the birds. What kind of picture is that. And why isn't there something exciting. Like cheetahs. And why's it called a pillar. It's not a pillar. It's a post. So the title's wrong."

Wednesday, 22 January 2020

Yellow Wallpaper

I'm looking forward to seeing how Ioana Marinca's powerful and very personal Yellow Wallpaper project on Instagram, a project that begins with how women cope with endometriosis, adenomyosis and PCOS, but goes way beyond that. It is so fundamental and so necessary. I

It's an exploration of women's bodies, medical responses to those bodies and scientific and social gender bias. It's about pain bias (where women are judged to feel less pain than men - this extends to children, and across race as well). it's about gendered testing (including a test to see how to combat the higher rates of heart disease experienced by women who had decreased oestregen as they aged - the test was done on over 8,000 men), it's about the Invisibility of women to science, and the inbuilt medical prejudices experienced by women since the Victorian era. It's about real women's experiences of these things, how they have been affected by them, and how understanding can be broadened to make for a better medical, social and scientific understanding for everyone.

Follow Yellow Wallpaper on Instagram here. 

And read the book where it gets the name from here.

This is the introductory statement to the project.

When I was 14 I was picking up my sister's Bacalaureat exam results. I went with a friend, it was a short walk from home. I was on my period and already in pain, but nothing i wasn’t used to. On the way home i remember blacking out. Not through pain, my vision just completely went black. I grabbed my friend's arm, explained what was happening and went to sit down on the side of a flower bed until it passes. I remember throwing up in the flower bed, and my vision coming back after a few minutes.

That was the only blackout I had, but for the next 20 years I lived in constant fear of my period, but accepted that mine came with pain. Despite regular visits to different doctors and specialists I never knew why.

Last year, at the age of 34, after nearly passing out in the office I decided to investigate my periods again. During a scan the nurse showed me my womb on the monitor and said “Look, it lights up like a Christmas tree!”. I finally had a diagnosis, it was adenomyosis. I asked the doctor what treatment options there are, and she said none, but suggested inducing me into menopause. I wanted to punch her.

This project asks the question why – why is there no treatment? How many other women are in a similar situation, and how do they live with womb related conditions that science has yet to fully understand.

Through personal experiences of the women I've met and photographed, Yellow Wallpaper examines how women have been excluded from medical research, have not been listened to – especially when experiencing pain, causing women's bodies to become medically, scientifically and socially invisible.

Monday, 20 January 2020

The Queen's Headscarf in a car

The crisis continues in the UK, but let's not talk about that. Let's talk about the picture of the queen in the paper a souple of weeks ago  - which is all to do with the Royal Family's and the British Media's treatment of Megan Markle (I still like to call her that). 

And I could go on about that because at the moment England is like a fat-bellied skinhead rolling around on the ground to reveal the underbelly of just about everything that should be kept hidden and concealed in the hope that it would eventually wither and die and become just a blank memory. 

The first  thing that really thrilled me about the picture is the Queen's headscarf. It is amazing. Look at that dog. How more dog-like can you get than that dog.

I have a strange fascination with headscarves. I remember the northern women on my street wearing them when I was a kid, hard-faced lower middle class women from Lancashire and Yorkshire who would never go out without a headscarf. Everybody wore headscarves (not my mum, because And then suddenly they did and nobody was wearing headscarves.

Till there the queen pops up again, the headscarf as an upper class motif.  Or there's the Grace Kelly glamour headscarf, but to be honest who wants to go there when you've got brilliant headscarf pictures like Robert Blomfeld's wealthy Glasgow woman with chickens (and they are very nice chickens),  Martin Parr's Weymouth woman (it's out of focus Martin!) and, my personal favourite, Rob Bremner's women from Liverpool.

My mother never used to wear a headscarf when I was a kid, but that's because she is bourgeois German (and she never cooked chips either which I always regretted. Going to my neighbour's for tea was like a real treat). My grandmother never used to wear them either because she saw herself as upper-middle class and wore formal hats that had roots in the 1920s. She never went out without a hat. 

My wife's mother always wore a headscarf though, but that's because she was born in Slovenia. She wore it peasant like, tied behind the head (if you were upper class you wore it tied beneath the chin) in true Lilya Brik style. But I guess that's another story altogether.

The thing that really thrilled me about the picture was seeing the queen get so gloriously papped. It reminded me of  my very favourite car pictures, the one of Thatcher driving out for a last time from Downing Street.

I love those car pictures, they have such a tradition going back to the 1950s and are such a staple of this kind of low-rent photojournalism.

It gets me wondering how people learn to do this stuff. I have a secret fantasy that somewhere there's a university being honest about everything and saying fuck you to the collaborative community-based module which inflicts gaggles of photography students reciting Rosler, Sontag and Sekula (and why not - they're great to recite) on some poor community centre being buried under the combination of funding cuts and time heavy funding applications.

Instead of all that, they could teach modules on paparazzi techniques. You could have the doorstepping module, the beach module, the car grab module, the sandwich eating module. You could get Oscar Monzon to give a modern take on the car pap.

Maybe you could have a whole course in unethical photography. You could follow the paparazzi module with the voyeurism module. It would be fucking amazing and , and have workshops by Kohei Yoshiyuki and Merry Alpern. It would be great!

The Cultural Appropriation module would be amazing and with a high fee structure and limited bursaries, all forms of privilege would always be entertained.

Sustainability is a thing so in semester 2,  there will be a sustainability module that will include a networking tour of world-class sustainability projects in  Lagos, Doha, Tokyo, Sao Paolo and Mexico City where students will meet key players in sustainability. In the name of sustainability, no photographs will be taken during this module.

There would be  the body module and the advertising module, the commercial module, the diaristic narcissism module, and the don't-leave-the-house module.

There will be social media led critical theory and teaching will take place in some of the best storage cupboards and corridors that teaching have to offer. Class sizes will be large (100+) but don't worry about attention because the specially trained staff have favourites who think like them and make work like them so you will always get time if you do the right thing.

In terms of facilities, we will have a scanner and a room that is dark. There will be a light and a camera you can borrow, including one of those big ones because they are very important. There are excellent printing facilities that you can use if you are first in the queue at 8am in the morning, and the ink will last all morning on printers that have the best colour calibration that staff won't have taught you to use. There will be an array of papers on offer including matt, glossy, and nasty.

A highlight of the course will be professional development week where students get to meet art directors, publishers, and editors from the world's finest soft-right, consumption-oriented publications (and negotiations on running a special feature on the sustainability module are in progress with one of these). And for the art photographer, there will be the who to sell to, and sponsorship module, as well as the turning a blind eye to harassment and bullying module.  These lead on directly from the Artwashing and Greenwashing modules ensuring there are direct links between theory and practice in what is a thoroughly integrated course for the contemporary photographer. All students will be guaranteed great grades (unless they are not a favourite) thanks to the combination of financially dependent entry requirements (overseas students especially welcome!) and all staff will have undergone special grade inflation workshop training to this end.

Ah, no, about twenty people have already thought of those already. Damn.

Here's Thatcher. Enjoy.

Saturday, 11 January 2020

Photographers and their Musical Equivalence

Before Christmas there was a post on Facebook about Alec Soth and Aron Morel posted that Soth is like the Coldplay of photography which is a bit cruel but not too cruel. To be fair, someone else said he was the Leonard Cohen of photography which is so, so, so much nicer.

So it got me thinking who are the musical equivalents of photographers. It was said that you can't really compare the two, but that didn't stop people when I put up a post wondering at who would be who in musical terms. These are the answers below - and feel free to add more diverse photographers and music as we go.

 Somebody asked if there was a prize. There isn't but if there was, it would go to Markus Schaden for his suggested match up of Cindy and Bert (no, me neither, but I do now) to Andreas Gursky. This is Cindy and Bert's version of Paranoia by Black Sabbath, given a Holmesian twist.

If you watch only one thing today, watch this...

And enjoy the rest of the answers, some fit perfectly some don't. And nobody was too cruel, for the most part...

Alec Soth

Alec Soth = coldplay!

Alec Soth = Leonard Cohen

Roger Ballen

Roger Ballen is Die Antwoord, but everyone knows that :-)
or Throbbing Gristle
not quite

Daido Moriyama

Moriyama / Tom Waits
 Good call
 yes both are equally irritating and forced.

Rinko Kawauchi 

Rinko Kawauchi is Ryuichi Sakamoto

 I was going to say Rinko - Bjork


Rankin are Boyzone
Nah, Rankin is the Spice Girls (not in a bad way).
the spice girls weren't that bad... its a bit cruel to call them Rankin...
Stephen Shore is Dylan.

Rankin is definitely Nickelback.

Diane Arbus 

Diane Arbus - Patti Smith

Diane Arbus is Janis Joplin

 Malick Sidibe

Malick Sidibé / Fela Kuti

Chris Kilip

 Chris Killip is Richard Thompson

Ivars Gravlejs

Ivars Gravlejs is Stump

Niall McDiarmid 

Niall McDairmid is Blur.

 Niall McDiarmid is more Proclaimers than Blur....

Mark Cohen 

Mark Cohen is Talking Heads

 Bjork is more Maisie Cousins

 I dunno, bjork is too ethereal...

Eugene Smith 

Eugene smith - Bob Dylan

 Wolfgang Tillmans 

Tillmans - Brian Eno

 nailed it

Gareth McConnell

 Gareth Mcconnell - Cocó Rosie

Anna Fox

Anna Fox = some punk maybe The Slits? or Blondie? 

Zanele Muholi

Zahele Muholi = M.I.A ?  

Ernest Cole

Ernest Cole / Public Enemy

...Or Gordon Parks

Erwin Blumenfeld 

Blumenfeld is Bowie.

Georgiu Pinkhassov

Pinkhassov Cocteau Twins

No - he's a Cocteau Twins Album cover

Irving Penn

Irving Penn is Cole Porter

Who's Miles Davis?

Miles Davis - Atget

Frederick Sommer

Robert Frank

I suggest Thomas Ruff.

Huger Foote

Larry Clarke - think about it without prejudice.

 I think Paul Graham is Miles Davis. Both aloof and both continually re-inventing themselves.


 hmmm - how much does PG actually re-invent... Miles really did go from Kind of Blue to On The Corner past In A Silent Way... MD broke every rule - every sound - every genre...

Cindy Sherman

Cindy Sherman is Blondie

Vivian Maier

Joan Baez

Billie Holiday

Vivian Maier is Lesley Gore

Dayanita Singh

Dayanita Singh = Nina Simone

The Becher's 

Philip Glass is the Becher’s

Bernd and Hilla Becher - Cindy & Bert (see top)

Lee Friedlander 

Friedlander is Thelonious Monk

Nan Goldin 

Dare I say Nan Golding / Dolly Parton....

Nan Goldin is Björk

this is an interesting one...

 I would have went more punk... maybe Sonic Youth

Nan Goldin is Nico

William Eggleston 

Eggleston / Creedence

Eggleston is Elvis

Susan Barnett


Juergen Teller

Juergen Teller / Boney M


Keep 'em coming. I'm having my consciousness raised. Feel free to ask questions - like Who's Robertino, or who's Billy Holiday?

Yousuf Karsh

Billy Holiday is Karsh

Ralph Eugene Meatyard

 Is there a prize? Ralph Eugene Meatyard is Nick Cave.

 I’d say Ralph Eugene Meatyard is Hasil Adkins.

Arthur Tress

Arthur Tress? Arthur Brown

Lewis Baltz

Lewis Baltz.......Philip Glass (early).

lot of competition for Glass. Uta Barth?

Gursky is Glass

 Gursky / barbie girl by aqua (I think it was played on art zoo while his work was shown and I can't disasociate the two)


 Jeff Wall is Radiohead

 I was thinking Trent Parke

John Myers

John Myers is Jarvis Cocker

Christopher Anderson 

Christopher Anderson has to be David Bowie - nearly every project is different from the last!

Don McCullin

Don McCullin - The Beatles.

Elliot Erwitt

Elliott Erwitt- Madness

Matt Black 

Matt Black - Godspeed You! Black Emperor

Who is Milli Vanilli

Andreas Serrano?

Who’s Tom Wood?

My music knowledge just wouldn’t do him justice.

...the Libertines?

Like it. I was thinking more 70s but yes that’s good, like it.

Bryan Adams

Bryan Adams is...Bryan Adams! (Do with this what you wish)

Sebastiao Salgado 

Salgado- Brahms

Antoine d'Agata

Antoine d'Agata is Trent Reznor

 not a chance. More like baby metal.

Bruce Davidson

Bruce Davidson / Bob Dylan

Philip Jones Griffiths

Philip Jones Griffiths- The Doors

David Hurn

 David Hurn - Manic Street Preachers

Laurie Simmons

 Laurie Simmons is Talking Heads not Cindy Sherman lol

Vanessa Winship 

Vanessa Winship - Janis Joplin?

 oh yes!

Peter Hujar

 Peter Hujar - Lou Reed

Sally Mann

Sally Mann - Joni Mitchell

 I was thinking patti smith also

David LaChapelle

David LaChapelle is Prince, channelling Grace Jones and Boy George.

Stephen Shore

Stephen Shore / Jack Kerouac. Ok, ok, I know he's a writer, but it feels so right and I always wonder when I read Kerouac, if Shore was inspired by him at all, for his road trips.

Anton Corbin 

Anton Corbin/joy division

Krass Clement is Joy Division

Walker Evans

Walker Evans is? Tempted to say Mozart?

Who is Kraftwerk?

Thomas Demand

Good call.

 Thomas Demand is Paperlace

Martin Parr

Martin Parr is The Beatles

 You mean the Beatles spng hopladee hoplada on repeat?

 I mean they started off good but then as time goes on you realise how “establishment” they are.

Martin Parr - David Byrne

Martin Parr - U2

 Martin Parr as the Elton John of the photoworld is for me the most obvious one.

Elton John? No mate just no! An insult to Elton

 Elton is certainly as bitchy in private as Martin Parr’s photographs.

You're all wrong. He's somewhere  between Ivor Cutler and the Wurzels....

Tuesday, 7 January 2020

No photographs Please

Happy New Year. What a start to 2020, I'm getting nostalgic for 2019 already.

Aside from the fire, the floods, the assasinations, the impending war, the rise of Indian fascism (coupled with the rise of Indian counter-fascism - if there's hope it's here), Brexit and the irrelevance of Britain in anything, there is the decision by Vogue Italia  to publish an issue with no photographs.

I like Vogue Italia because it does interesting things on race, diversity, and body size. On a personal level, the website published a piece on Vincen Beeckman's Claude and Lilly which thrilled me and Claude and it bridges the gap, or tries to bridge the gap, between fashion and wider cultural trends. Not always perfectly, and not always consistently because it's fashion, it's photography and in publishing everybody (name a publication with photography in, and they are included) has a bit of shit on their shoes, especially if they're Louboutins.

Anyway, the rationale for this was to stop unsustainable photography that involves, as the editor writes...

'One hundred and fifty people involved. About twenty flights and a dozen or so train journeys. Forty cars on standby. Sixty international deliveries. Lights switched on for at least ten hours non-stop, partly powered by gasoline-fueled generators. Food waste from the catering services. Plastic to wrap the garments. Electricity to recharge phones, cameras ...'

It's an admirable effort, especially because the money saved would go to the flood damaged Venice museum of Fondazione Querini Stampalia.

But at the same time, fuck me gently with a chainsaw, because for one where did the idea that you had to have an oyster bar and international flights to photograph. Where exactly did this modus operandi come from, and if it is to be addressed, then address it consistently across a longer time scale in a sustainable fashion. Sustainable sustainability is a thing. The only problem is nobody knows what that means in fashion terms because there are no standards.

And then of course there are a mass of other things going on that you could mention in fashion, starting with the cycle (and high end and budget ends are connected), moving on to outsourcing, workers' rights, wages, environmental wastage, conspicuous consumption, transport (not of photographers),  and everything else that journals like Fashion Theory go into in great detail - these are some of the 'actors involved in fashion that Haug and Busch identify as relevant in establishing the question of what ethical fashion might be. Photographers are somewhere in the mix in number 7, under editors, publishers, owners etc. Haug and Busch identify these possible actors and question which have the power to change things. They also look at a range of fashion from fast fashion to haute couture and conclude that the two are actually closely linked, not that anyone on one side will admit it, and that the people who have the power to change things are the mediators (so Vogue etc) because they have the power to make the unethical unfashionable. Which is what they are doing with photography I guess. But there's such a big but. It's a bit like the US defense department going green by not allowing photographers to be embedded with their troops anymore. All those airmiles!

(1) Market regulators: National and cross-national institutions
defining laws and regulations for the focal consumer market
in relation to production, marketing, use of suppliers, product
materials, etc.
(2) Supplier regulators: National and cross-national institutions
defining laws and regulations for the production area in focus
(as mentioned, often developing countries).
(3) Consumers: Those exposed to the marketing efforts of the
fashion industry and those buying the fashion products.
(4) Mediators: Magazines, news media, forums, activist organizations,
(5) Designers: Those defining the fashion products.
(6) Marketers: Those advertising for and selling the product, i.e.,
(7) Producers: Those making the decisions on which fashion
items to produce, how to produce them, which markets to
Towards an Ethical Fashion Framework 327
target, etc.
(8) Suppliers: Those producing item materials and manufacturing
the final products.
(9) Workers: The persons employed by the suppliers.

Finally though, removing photographers also devalues photography. There are people trying to add value and meaning to fashion photography, but this act seems to trivialise photography and its practioners in one fell swoop as flippant environmentally wasteful ne'er-do-wells. It's a good question to ask, but do be consistent and look in all directions including your advertisers and your core markets please.

Ultimately though, when images aren't included it means something. When photography isn't allowed it means something and it's not normally something good.

Which isn't to say there aren't some great examples of no photographs being used.

The best example I can think of is the case of the French newspaper, Liberation in 2013, a publication that

'...removed all images from its 14 November issue in a bid to show the power and importance of photography at a time when the industry is facing unprecedented challenges, say the newspaper's editors'

It served a purpose to show the poverty of a newspaper without images. It also captured something of the relationship between image and text, something the late Sarah Charlesworth  did even more effectively with her converse 'Unwriting' piece (where the text is removed) Modern History.

Here the removal of text emphasises the importance of the image, how it is shown, but also the gaps where text is needed to expand on and add to the story.

'Made between 1977 and 1979, the works in Modern History explore the power of images and their circulation through the mass media, specifically newspapers. In this series, Charlesworth focused on singular events and the reportage of these across multiple newspapers from all over the world. To make each multipart work, she removed everything except the newspapers’ mastheads, the images of the particular incident, and the image captions, making evident through her interventions the complex mechanisms of dissemination and interpretation. For Charlesworth, “unwriting” was an active undertaking, even as all the blocks of running text were literally blanked out. She called the process, “an engagement with text.” In spite of—or rather, because of—the lack of text in the work, its presence is strongly felt through the physical rendering of its absence.'

It's a project where what is missing resonates in the space of its own absence. It also challenges how we see and what we see, something Pavel Maria Smejkal  does in his brilliant Fatescapes.

These are some of his images below. They are instantly recognisable despite the absence of the supposedly salient features. How and why do we remember these backgrounds is the question they raise and how is it we recognise these pictures despite the absence of what we deem essential to the picture?

Elisabeth Tonnard's Indirections works in the same way as both the Charlesworth and the Liberation examples, but joins them up by separating caption and image, by creating a barrier between the two, a barrier held in place by a very tidy belly band and a piece of tape.

These are the outsides of the pamphlets she made. Open them up and you see the picture...

So for this caption, you get the picture below:

The children found a loving environment in this kindergarten built by Treptower communists on Kiefholzstraße.

You can't have one without the other, but if you do, you have a very different thing.

And that is the end of the first post of the year. Thank you for reading.

Also from Haug and Busch, some of the real environmental concerns linked to increased fashion cycles.

One may be led to believe that the growing market for ethical fashion
has had a positive impact on the overall effects of fashion consumption,
but many observations point in the other direction. For example,
it has been argued that the environmental impact of the fashion industry
has become increasingly detrimental because of the (1) accelerated
cycles of new fashion (O’Cass 2004), (2) the decrease in garment prices
(Morgan and Birtwistle 2009), and (3) the lower production costs in
developing countries (Jones et al. 2005). The accelerated cycles of new
fashion are strongly related to the concept of “fast fashion.” Fast fashion
refers to “low-cost clothing collections that mimic current luxury fashion
trends” (Joy et al. 2012), and the fast fashion chains in Europe have
grown faster than the retail fashion industry as a whole (Cachon and
Swinney 2011; Mihm 2010). Fast fashion implies that the former standard
turnaround time from catwalk to consumer of six months is now a
matter of mere weeks for companies such as H&M and Zara (Tokatli
2008). Thus, by its nature, fast fashion encourages greater disposability
(Fletcher 2008) (Figure 2).

Monday, 23 December 2019

Goodbye 2019. We will look back on you as a great year.

Another year comes to an end and another year begins. The picture above shows how the year began, and that is basically how the year continued. And my brilliant Oracle Vision tells me that  is just a taster for what is to come. We will look back on 2019 as a great year and yearn for the stability and sense of completion that it brought. The shit is just put into the bucket, and the fan hasn't been turned on yet.

Enough of the politics, I'll come back to those later next year when we'll all be closer to the brink, on the brink or over the brink. So, in photography and writing, thank you to everyone I have worked with this year at Photomonitor, Source Magazine, Vogue Italia,  World Press Photo, Magnum Photos, PH Museum of Humanity, the BJP.

Perhaps my favourite things I've written of the year are this intro for Vincen Beeckman's beautiful and simple Claude and Lilly. And this article for my World Press Photo Witness series; it sums up the generic commonplaces of photography, writing about photography, photographic education, and everything else.

Thanks also to Andy for helping me to get to Romania and see how beautiful, weird and wonderful (and dysfunctional too in places) it is. It was a revelation to me. And sorry, but the scene from the supposed birthplace in Sigisoara is a sight to behold.

And thank you also to everybody at SEAD, the Mekong Cultural Hub and the British Council for the start of a really wonderful fellowship where the process is what matters. How rare is that. It was and is absolutely wonderful, challenging and mind expanding in equal measure.

Finally, thank you to everybody who came to my Writing and Photography workshops. It's been so great to share ideas with writers, curators, photographers, journalists and teachers - I've been truly bowled over by the range of people who've come and the energy and enthusiasm and original talent that is out there in the world, and the diversity of voices with which they tell stories.

The next workshops are scheduled for March and April 2020 in Bah, and you can learn more and see some feedback here. 

Have a great Christmas, Holiday, New Year wherever you are. I will be back in January, smaller and better.

Monday, 16 December 2019

The Election Post-Mortem

Here's a summary of the election gleaned from various agonised commentators. Condensed here so you don't have to read it all.

Jeremy Corbyn - He's an honest man, he's not a leader, people don't like him, he's a principled man, people don't vote for him. He's worked wonders. He's lost two elections and he's stuck in the past. But he won the argument... well, he didn't, because the election was the argument. He shifted the narrative. What is this media studies GCSE Module 1? He's a fucking saint... etc etc

Brexit 1 - if we had backed Remain in 2016, we absolutely wouldn't be where we are now.

Brexit 2 - we should have promised to just get it done. like the Conservatives. Then we would have won the North. The North don't like Europe. How would that have worked out in London or Bristol or anywhere else?

Lexit - remember that, the left wing renaissance that Brexit would bring. How's that working out for you? But the EU is racist and lets migrants drown in the sea.

Europeans resident in the UK - we love them. It was Johnson who said they outstayed their welcome. What about the Lexiteers who said they queue jump. Three and a half million people in the UK definitely remember this...

Anti-semitism - Tommy Robinson and Katie Hopkins want to join the Conservative Party and they're not anti-semitic, right? Yeah, right.

But the Labour Party are anti-semitic - But Jeremy Corbyn has spoken out and marched against anti-semitism throughout his entire life. So why didn't he say sorry on Andrew Neil. Thank God Jews can live safe in Britain under the Conservatives who are only homophobic, anti-European, racist, Islamophobic, but not anti-semitic whatsoever, no sirree, bob...

The Media - How long have you got? The lying media, for the last 30 years on Europe. The only reason Corbyn lost was because of the media. What about Blair then. He's the only Labour winner in the last 40 years. Because the right-wing press supported him. He would have won anyway. Oh no he wouldn't. Oh yes he would...

The North - voted Tory, thick as pig shit except in the cities. If you've got magic beans to sell, head up north, they'll buy anything. It's post-industrial, it's gritty, it's northern, they had miners' strikes, it's northern heartlands so they're bound to vote labour. Except they're not. Unless you're in Liverpool. But that's a different country They don't like London up north. They don't like the metropolis. The metropolis isn't white. Ah, I see what you're saying, can we patronise and generalise about the north some more, that will help solve the problem. Sure let's go ahead - everything in the UK happens in London. The money goes to London. That's the real reason. And that's why they don't like the EU and voted for Leave. I've seen videos on it. That's why Brexit. And parachuted politicians like David Milliband who couldn't mark his northern constituency on a map, now getting £600,000 pounds a year in the USA to tell people why Corbyn failed. So it's Blair's fault again. No, it's Corbyn. He's North London metropolitan elite. Because he stands up for justice and is anti-racist and stuff... etc. etc. etc.

Scotland - canny bastards. I wish I was Scottish. You think the Conservatives are prejudiced against Europeans, just wait and see. English establishment nationalism is deepseated and has been around a long time. Why didn't they vote Labour again? Let's not think about that, what about Northern Ireland?

Northern Ireland - the same as above with knobs on but we had 30 years of a small war and there's sea between us and them. As long as they don't bomb the City of London again. But they don't have Labour in Northern Ireland. Or Conservatives. So we'll leave that till later. Agreed? Agreed. Didn't Jeremy Corbyn go on picnics with Gerry Adams? Where did you read that? It's the media again.

Winning arguments - the only argument worth winning is the election. It was lost. Overton doors? It's not doors, numpty, it's windows. Overton Windows. We've shifted the narrative and opened the Overton Window a bit. Fuck the narrative, we lost the election. But we'll win the next one because the window's open.

Momentum - Incompetent at running a campaign, too many messages, secretive plans, not involving people who have experience of winning elections, alienating centrist members, alienating young members, telling people what they should think, telling them to fuck off when they don't think it, getting surprised when that doesn't work out too well at the polls. But remember when Labour MPs were voting for Bedroom Tax and Austerity. We've got principles and we've shifted the narrative. But you didn't win. It's the Overton Window. What about the membership...

The Crowds - nobody gets crowds like Jeremy. Yeah, to watch him lose. He got battered!

The Young - they overwhelmingly voted Labour. Ooh, so they did.

The Old - they overwhelmingly didn't vote Labour. Oh shit...

The Policies - which one, they were so many? And they were all great.

Understanding the electorate - the Tories did this, that's why they had one message, one message, one message, one message. Yeah, but who wants to do that. It underestimates the electorate's intelligence and their understanding of complex policy issues. Exactly, because that works. Who wants to live like that. Better than living under 10 more years of Tory rule.

The Next Leader - Can't be a remainer, the North don't like remaining. Can't be from London, that's a metropolitan elite. Can't be a woman, is that a northern thing or is it just our own misogyny? We need somebody to build on what Jeremy has created. He's created nothing, he's a serially loser, can't be Momentum, that approach has failed. No it didn't, Jeremy got more votes than Brown or Milliband. Yeah but against what...

Boris Johnson - so who thinks we're going to see the liberal, One Nation face of Boris Johnson now he's got a stonking majority and doesn't have to really on crazy right-wingers to get Brexit done? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Fuck me, you agree on something.