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Thursday, 28 September 2017

All Quiet: 74.8% better than Diane Arbus

So I'm trying to sell a book. But how do you know it's any good. That's what you must be asking. What if the pictures are out of focus or badly composed!

With Everyday Pixel Image Evaluator you will find the answer.

Using a combination of science and creative intelligence, this Image Evaluator will evaluate your images for you and tell you whether they are likely to be awesome or bad.

Images from All Quiet from the Home Front such as the one above score a whopping 99.7%. That means it's an incredible 99.7% better than Martin Parr's picture from Weymouth featured below.

To be fair to Martin, that picture is quite blurred and out-of-focus so obviously not very good. Perhaps he'd have done better if he'd stepped back a bit. To be even fairer to Martin, others of his fare much better, though not quite up to snuff with mine, as we can see from this image of his from the Last Resort.

Close, but no cigar!

That's not to take anything away from me. I'm a very respectable 74.8% better than this famous  Diane Arbus image! Not every likely to be awesome. Who'd have thunk it!

Even Ivars Gravlejs' classic masterpiece, Early Works, is no match for me. All Quiet nudges ahead by a clear 0.5% but it might as well be a country mile.

I'm not getting too much above myself because there's Rineke Dijkstra! It's something to aspire to.

And I'm pretty close to Kohei Yoshiyuki and his amazing Park! Watch out Kohei. I'm right behind you!

It's scientifically proven and is something we should all learn from. I used to think this picture by Max Pinckers was a real belter and Max was one of the great young photographers of our time - both with the images and the ideas! But no, the science tells me otherwise; it's a stinker and that's no lie. I would have given this and Max 100% every day of the week. But I would have been wrong. Thank goodness there are people in the world's leading photographic organisations who have their finger on the pulse and are way ahead of me on Max. Now I understand why. Who could possibly have thought it!

Now you've seen the science, you'll be wanting to buy my book and help fund the printing - and my trip to Paris Photo for the book launch. So...

Buy the Subscriber's Edition of All Quiet on the Home Front Here. It comes with the beautiful print you see below.

Buy the Regular Edition of All Quiet on the Home Front Here.

No, don't think so. Fuck off Everypixel Aesthetics! It's a lie, a lie, a lie I tell you!

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